A Temporary Goodbye
by Roonwit
Summary: Susan Pevensie must cope with losing her entire family, and her friends, in a train accident. Based upon The Last Battle.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes: **This is somewhat of a sequel to my first story, "The Train." This story concerns Susan Pevensie's reaction to the loss of her family. This is my first attempt at a multi-chapter fan fiction.

This is an updated, revised version of this story.

* * *

Peter Pevensie was startled out a light sleep by the ringing of a telephone. Looking at the clock, he frowned. He had dozed off and now it was evident who was calling him.

"Hello, Ed."

"Where in the world are you, Pete?"

"I must have fallen asleep. Is everyone already there?"

"No, we're still waiting on Eustace and Jill, but you should hurry up. Digory says dinner will be ready in a half hour."

"I'll be there in a _quarter-hour_," Peter said, smiling.

* *

Susan Pevensie looked at the envelope lying on the table. It contained a letter from her brother, Peter. She had read it over and over, but she knew she must make a decision soon. She hesitantly opened the envelope once more and skimmed its contents.

_Dear Susan,_

_Professor Kirke has asked us to join him for dinner. Please come with us, Su. We need to be a family once again—don't you realize it? Lucy misses you terribly. We all do! _

_Eustace and Jill will be there, too. They would love to see you again. There will be a perfect chance for us to share stories of our time in Narnia and have a fun, entertaining night. _

_I expect to see you there, Susan. Don't let us down. We miss you!_

_Love,_

_Peter_

Susan tossed the letter onto the table. She had gotten several letters from her siblings, but replied to none of them. Being with them only brought back memories of Narnia and of happy times—times that were forever gone now. Now, the professor wanted them all together again to talk about Narnia. _Narnia?_ It had been so long—too long. Was Narnia even real? Had they really been Kings and Queens? Had Digory really been there in the beginning to witness Aslan breath it into existence?

She wanted to believe the answer was _yes_, but doing so only caused an incurable longing to return to what Aslan had said she could not. _It is better to pretend it is not real. Why cause myself such pain by pining away for Narnia when Narnia doesn't long for me? _That thought surprised her. How does she _know_ that Narnia doesn't long for her when she isn't there to see for herself? _Because Narnia isn't real. It never was._

* *

Peter arrived just after Eustace and Jill. Lucy ran to him, giving him a big hug and her usual bright smile. Edmund shook his older brother's hand, but soon traded it for a hug. Peter looked around the room with a look of disappointment.

"She didn't come, then?"

"No, Peter. I'm sorry."

Peter shook his head in disbelief as his eyes filled with sadness. He couldn't understand his sister's behavior. Why had she turned against him—and against Narnia itself? He had told her so many times that Aslan had not forsaken them—that He was with them even in England, yet Susan wouldn't accept it. She kept saying it was a game they made up and that Aslan was just an imaginary talking lion. It broke Peter's heart to think that Susan would dare to deny Aslan.

* *

Professor Kirke was telling the most intriguing story of his trip to Narnia when they all caught a glimpse of movement in the corner of the room. Peter for a brief second thought that Susan had perhaps changed her mind and decided to come after all. But a few seconds later, his eyes had focused on a most unusual image: it was a man bound to a tree with rope. Was he Narnian? Yes, Peter was surer of that fact than of any other in his life! The man appeared to be about 20 or 25 years old. He had muscular arms and strong, broad shoulders. His face had a scanty looking beard, but his eyes—blue and fearless—gave him the look of a King. Peter's face turned pale with rage at the sight of the ropes—who would tie this man to a tree?—and he clenched his fist before speaking.

"Speak, if you're not a phantom or a dream. You have a Narnian look about you and we are the seven friends of Narnia."

The man gave no reply, perhaps he was unable. He looked equally shocked at seeing them. His lips moved but no sound came from them. Peter spoke again.

"Shadow or spirit or whatever you are…if you are from Narnia, I charge you in the name of Aslan, speak to me. I am Peter the High King."

The man's lips moved again but his image faded away before any of the seven friends of Narnia could understand what was happening around them. One thing they all agreed on was that this man was without a doubt Narnian, perhaps even the King of Narnia.

**

Susan was feeling lonely. She now wished she had gone to the Professor's, but it was too late now: a week had passed. Neither Peter nor her siblings had tried to contact her again. Had they given up on her? _It is the other way: I gave up on them._

Susan sighed. She was in London, but still unsure if she should go back home to Finchley—to her family. She was scared to try to enter back into their lives after she had been so cruel to them. She had in fact abandoned them in exchange for parties and social gatherings. She went to places she knew to be inappropriate—wore clothes she knew to be too scandalous.

Susan, who was walking near the London Platform, noticed a large crowd of people was gathering up ahead. As she approached, she could see there was a fire at the station.

"What has happened?" she asked a bystander.

"There's been a crash! They say there are hundreds dead and wounded. A horrible scene, surely."

"A crash? That is horrible indeed." Susan agreed with the bystander, but something felt wrong. It was as if this crash would impact her in some terrible way. But how could it?

Susan caught a glimpse of something. _No, it couldn't be. I am just seeing things! _She tried to pretend, like always, that these little reminders of Narnia aren't there. Susan couldn't deny this one, though.

Standing in the distance was a Lion. He was staring at Susan, tears streaming down his face. It was Aslan—here in England just as Peter had said to her so many times.

There was hope after all! Susan smiled as she started to run to Him, but quickly the mood changed. She stopped running and gave him a puzzled look. Aslan was crying—but why? Was His presence here because of the train collision? Was He sad because of it? No, she saw it in his eyes. The loving eyes that looked at her so many times in Narnia—the eyes that still loved her so much even though she denied Him—Aslan was crying for _her_.

She once again started walking to Him, but He gave out a loud roar.

"Aslan, what is wrong? Why can't I get closer to you?"

Aslan began to _sob_. It was a scene she had never imagined seeing: Aslan, the great Lion, so broken that He would sob. Truly, events taking place at this moment were impossible for anyone to comprehend. What could be so bad that even Aslan would grieve? She took another step forward—Aslan growled.

"Aslan, speak to me! What is going on? I've never seen you act this way. Tell me _now_!"

"I love you, Susan. Please remember that I was with you all the time—and I will be with you through the difficult path you will now walk, even though I shall not appear to you again. One day I hope to see you again, but that is not for me to decide anymore. Only you can change your path now, child. It is a lonely path—you will have no one to help you—but follow your heart and you will find your own way."

"What about my family. Can't I go back to them?"

Aslan gave a final sob and disappeared.

Susan stared at the spot where Aslan had stood moments before. Had he really even been there? _Oh Susan, even now you still doubt?_ She thought. _He didn't want you to walk to that spot. What was He trying to protect you from?_

Susan walked toward the place of Aslan's appearance and soon discovered that bodies were being placed there as they were removed from the wreckage. _Clearly, Aslan didn't want to me see these bodies. It is a horrible scene to witness. _

She was about to turn away and leave, but Susan stopped when she saw it lying there on the ground. Susan screamed.

"No! Oh, Aslan…No! This isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real. Oh no, this _cannot_ be real."

Susan ran to the body lying there on the ground. She broke into hysterical screams and kept repeating that it wasn't real. It was real, indeed. Susan had found Lucy's body by the rails.


	2. Chapter 2

The strength flowed out of Susan's legs. She fell to the ground, struggling to breathe.

"Lucy! Wake up. Please wake up!" she cried out to the lifeless body. But Lucy wouldn't wake up. Never again in this world would Susan see her little sister's smile or bright shining eyes.

Susan arose from the ground and walked to her sister. She kneeled beside her as the tears fell down onto Lucy's body. Susan stroked her sister's hair.

"You shouldn't be here, Miss." The man's voice brought Susan out a quiet daze. "This is no place for a young lady. I'll have to ask you to leave now."

"This is my sister, Lucy."

"I'm sorry for your loss." The man gave her a sad look and turned away.

* *

Susan left that scene of destruction, but she was vaguely aware of it. Her mind was racing with thoughts and her heart was ripped out of her chest. She was walking toward her home—her parent's home in Finchley. She was sure they didn't know yet. It takes time to identify bodies and notification would be delayed. Susan had to tell her parents first—they shouldn't hear it from the police. News this bad must come from someone close.

Susan found the house empty, though. _Where are they?_ She asked herself.

"Peter? Edmund? Are you home?" she called out. No reply came.

Lying on the kitchen table was a piece of paper. Picking it up, she recognized Edmund's handwriting.

_Dear Mum and Dad,_

_Peter and I have gone to the London Platform to meet Lucy. She is arriving back from the Professor's on the 4:00 PM train, along with the Professor, Polly, Eustace, and Jill. We will be home shortly after they arrive—we only have to give something to Eustace._

_Edmund_

The London Platform? Susan, again, felt her legs grow weak. _They were there, too? Everyone was there? The Professor, Eustace…all of them?_ The facts became clear to Susan now: everyone she knew was dead. She collapsed on the ground and cried harder, more painfully, than she had in her entire life.

Time passed, but Susan didn't know how much. It could have been hours. Her parents still had not come back home and that only upset her more. She needed someone to talk to—someone to comfort her.

She heard footsteps outside. Surely, this was her parents finally arriving home. Looking out the window, however, Susan didn't see her parents. She saw the police. _They are here to tell us about the train accident. _She opened the door.

"Are you Miss Susan Pevensie?" the policeman asked her.

"Yes I am. I'm afraid my parents are not home, but I already know why you're here. My siblings are—there was a train crash."

The policeman gave her a stunned look and glanced over to his partner.

"Miss Pevensie, I'm afraid it wasn't just your siblings—your parents were on that train as well." The second policeman glanced away from her as he said it.

"No. That's not possible. My parents would not be on a train to London."

"I'm sorry, but there was identification on the bodies. They were on the train." The police officers were growing uneasy. It was difficult to tell a person that their entire family was dead, especially when the survivor was still so young.

Susan collapsed for the third time that day.

**

_Only you can change your path now, child. It is a lonely path—you will have no one to help you—but follow your heart and you will find your own way. _Susan tried to understand Aslan's words. He was right: she had no one to help her. She was completely alone. Aslan had promised to be with her, even though He would not appear to her, but was that _really_ comforting? She recalled his tears. Yes, He loved her. He always would love her. _Was He crying because I wasn't on that train with them? I should have been! I should have died, too. Instead, I am left behind. _

It was three days later: the day of the funerals. Today, Susan Pevensie would bury all those she cared about—and then what? What was the path Aslan wanted her to follow? He told her to follow her heart, but it was shattered—destroyed by her own stubbornness.

She put on her best dress and left for the church.


	3. Chapter 3

"Life is full of seemingly unjustifiable events. We look upon this tragic scene—the death of these loved ones and the hundreds of others involved in the accident—and seek explanations. Why would this happen? How could God allow it? I know that everyone in this building, and perhaps most of England, is asking these and many similar questions. The only answer I can give you is—"

Susan's attention drifted from the words Father Bainbridge was speaking. Her eyes were locked on the two rows of coffins lined up along the front of the cathedral. There they were—her parents, siblings, cousin, and friends—sealed inside nine identical caskets, each with a bouquet of red, pink, and yellow roses atop the closed lid.

Susan looked around at the sad faces. She saw the Scrubbs and Poles and felt pity for them. _They lost their children over a silly childhood fantasy. Why did Lucy have to drag them onto that train…for silly old Narnia? _ Susan knew that Eustace and Jill believed Narnia was real. In fact, they claimed to have gone themselves. _None of them would have been on that train if they had just grown up! _Susan thoughts were all confusing now. She had been under so much stress and grief the past few days. Or was it anger? Susan was mad at her brothers for encouraging Lucy and her cousin to meet them on the train platform, but she was angrier with _herself _for not being there with them. _I should have died with them. I should be in Narnia—in Aslan's Country—with them right now. _Susan suddenly realized the error of having a thought like that: it would mean that Narnia was real and that Peter, Edmund, Lucy, Eustace, Jill, the Professor, and Polly were in Aslan's Country. _What about mum and dad? They never went to Narnia at all. Would a person that had never been to Narnia go to Aslan's Country when they died? _ It was a good question, but Susan shrugged it off because Narnia wasn't real. Nobody could go to a made-up place—dead or alive. _I just wish I had died with them. _Susan began to sob.

**

Susan Pevensie kneeled down beside her sister's tombstone.

"Well, Lucy. I'm sorry I haven't been here in so long. The truth is I just couldn't bear it back then. It was all so sudden. Today's newspaper featured a front page article discussing the 10-year anniversary of the accident. I miss you so much, Lu. Ten years! I've been so alone for _ten years_! Aslan told me I had a difficult path. Yes, Lu—I said His name. I know He is real and that you are in Aslan's Country now. I missed by chance by denying Aslan. He cried that night, you know. He cried because I was to never see Him or my family again. I can't join you, Lucy. As much as I want to now, it is too late! I know you are in a happy place now—Aslan's Country. I love you, my sister and my friend."

Susan stood up. She wiped the tears from her face and walked to the next grave: Peter's. She ran her fingers over the cold granite and thought about the High King.

"Peter, I made a mess of things! I wanted to grow up and put aside my childhood—to be an adult. Now, I _am_ an adult, but it is at the expense of losing my family and Narnia. You tried harder than the others to bring me back. I am sorry I ignored your letters! I am sorrier than you might know because I lost Aslan in the process. Rest well, my brother and my King. I love you and I miss you, Peter."

The third grave in the row beneath the large PEVENSIE tombstone belonged to her younger brother, Edmund. She stood there quietly thinking for a while about what to say to him. Finally she knew the words she needed.

"I am sorry for everything, Ed. I love you, but I did a terrible job of showing it in the months before the accident. I ignored you and Peter and Lucy, but I now realize that it hurt you worst. You looked up to Peter, but in your own way, I see that you looked up to me as well. I never gave you the attention you sought from me, Ed. I am so sorry for that. I wish I had it to do over, but I can't. My chance is gone now! Rest well, little brother."

As Susan was walking away from the graves, she felt a warm breeze—familiarly sweet. She couldn't quite place _where_ she had felt one like it. It wasn't just a physical breeze: it felt more emotional. It was like a breeze of comfort blowing in her direction from a source of _complete_ comfort and peace. She grew slightly dizzy and disoriented. Susan was losing her balance and felt that she was going to fall so she knelt down in the cemetery. The breeze picked up its pace and now her hair was blowing wildly. Her disorientation was worsening. _What is happening to me? _Susan wondered.

After another minute of feeling dizzy and being windblown, Susan began to recover. The wind was calming now and she tried to stand up. She turned around to face the graves, but they were gone. She wasn't in a cemetery anymore. She was beside the most beautiful stream she had ever seen, surrounded by lovely meadows and blooming flowers. _No, it cannot be!_

Susan's joy was so overwhelming that she burst into laughter. She was in Narnia again.

Susan couldn't believe her eyes. Was it just a dream or a hallucination? Could she really be back in Narnia? _It certainly _feels _real. _She picked a flower and thought, _it certainly _smells_ real._

"Hello, Daughter of Eve," a deep voice spoke from behind her. She turned to see a Great Lion. He smiled at her. There were no tears in His eyes now.

"Aslan! Is it real? Is this a dream or am I in Narnia?"

"It is real child. You have taken a difficult journey and travelled a troubled road for what, in your time, were the past ten years. I was with you each step, Susan. The details and events of that journey are not as important as the place where the journey _ends_. This is where it ends, my child."

"You have forgiven me, Aslan? Will let me stay in Narnia—to be with my family? Surely you have forgiven me, though. You wouldn't have come to me unless you _have_ forgiven me. Am I correct?"

Aslan smiled, but said nothing. He turned and began walking away from Susan. She followed closely behind, remaining silent. They walked for a mile or so through the meadow until Aslan stopped. He faced Susan and seemed to be thinking a long while before speaking.

"Susan, why do you seek forgiveness?"

"I want to be forgiven because I am sorry for what I have done. I have denied your existence and that of Narnia. I have turned my back on you and on my family. I have missed them, and you, for the past ten years. I was wrong to say that Narnia was just a childhood fantasy—a made-up world. I am sorry, Aslan, and I want to make things right again! I want to see my family again, but most of all, I want you to love me again."

Aslan looked sad, but only momentarily. He looked deeply into Susan's eyes, as if He was looking directly into her very soul. Finally, He gave a big sigh before speaking to her.

"My child, I have never stopped loving you! I shall never do so. I could have brought you into Narnia on the day I last appeared to you. I did not because you were not ready to accept me at the time. Peter, Edmund, and Lucy were ready to enter Narnia—and I was ready for them to come that day. From your viewpoint, it appears that I have come to you now, but it is you that have come _to me,_ Susan! It was always meant to be this way. I was sad because I couldn't bring you here that day, but I said: 'Only you can change your path now, child. It is a lonely path—you will have no one to help you—but follow your heart and you will find your own way.' Today, you have followed your heart and found your way here."

Susan ran to Aslan and put her arms around Him. Tears of happiness flowed down both their faces as Queen Susan was again welcomed back into the land of Narnia.


	4. Epilogue

Epilogue

Aslan and Susan walked together to the base of a steep hill. He turned to her and told her to keep walking "further up and further in" but He was going to stop. She should walk the rest of the way alone. Susan didn't question Him. The time for questions was over.

The more Susan walked the more _real _it all seemed. It occurred to her that she had never been in the real Narnia—that _this_ was the real Narnia and the other was only a shadow of this one. She could not quite understand why she was aware of it, though. Perhaps these things just become clearer with time.

As Susan reached the summit of the hill, she saw that a large crowd of people and Talking Animals had gathered. Many of them wore crowns of a very old Narnian style, but three of the crowns she recognized easily—along with the heads to which they belonged. Susan saw her siblings as she had remembered them from the late Golden Years—the time right before they came back to England through the wardrobe. It was then that she understood that she, too, was a different age once again.

High King Peter absently glanced in her direction and looked away again, but quickly gave a second look. His expression was one of shock and surprise. He looked a few seconds before as if unsure if eyes were seeing his sister again. He ran toward her and she could see tears in his eyes. Edmund and Lucy looked to see where Peter was going. After a few seconds of the same shocked expression, they too ran to Susan.

All four Pevensies were caught up in a group hug—each crying and laughing simultaneously. They were all so overjoyed and filled with bliss that they didn't noticed Aslan and Tumnus approaching.

"Mr. Tumnus!" Susan cried out with glee.

"My Queen! It is so lovely that you are arrived. The High King informed us all just now that you would not join us."

Susan opened her mouth to give a response, but Aslan spoke instead.

"Let us not speak of that, _none_ of us," he said, looking around at everyone. "What is important is that Queen Susan has indeed joined us." He smiled at Susan and she understood. Forgiveness meant forgetting the past: her past behavior was void now. Aslan's Country was a new beginning—a beginning without an end, in fact.

A faun approached carrying a crown. Susan recognized it: it was her crown. Everyone formed a circle around Susan as the faun placed it onto her head.

"Once a King or Queen of Narnia, always a King or Queen of Narnia." Aslan said.

"Long Live, Queen Susan. Long Live, Queen Susan," everyone chanted.

It was the happiest ending any story could have. (At least this storyteller thinks so.)


End file.
